This Advent

When I entered the Advent season, I was in the middle of a transition. I hadn’t moved recently or started a new ministry. No, the desire for newness came from within myself, at a time when I was returning to last year’s ministry and convent. This seemed like an obstacle until I realized that change needed to start from within me. I could bring a new energy to my life!

This began a period of reflection and searching, where I clarified who I am and what is important to me. I had begun the ministry year in September in a spirit of waiting, hoping for better, something deeper and more genuine-- and asking God to reveal it to me. I ended up finding it within myself, in the sisters in my community, and in what I had committed to. It also brought hope that there would be other avenues for me, other opportunities to live the dream God had put in my heart. The insights and inspirations from this time were presents, the embodiment of what I was searching for. It occurred to me that this is the spirit of Christmas, of rejoicing in gifts received. I was enjoying the progress I was making.

So, I started Advent feeling like I’d already been observing it. In a way, I felt like I’d been celebrating Christmas, too. But the Advent season still had a lot to offer me. It gave some interesting perspective on the journey of discernment that I’d been on. First, reflecting on the Scripture readings at daily Mass and reading Advent reflections reminded me that it is a time of waiting with joyful expectation. There was hope in the self-reflection involved in my discernment, but there were other emotions, too. For example, I was nervous about what answers I would find, because with discernment, when you start asking questions, you need to ask all of them, and then be open to any answer. The total lack of control was daunting. I also felt the tension between doing what was familiar and wanting something new.

I recalled the importance of flexibility this Advent. It was a busy season for me, and the devotions that I had planned weren’t realistic. Apart from my daily meditation on Scripture, my Advent reflections came from listening to YouTube videos on the topic and reading short reflections from Advent booklets.  I found it relaxing to listen to talks about Advent and gleaned helpful insights from both those talks and brief meditations in the booklets. They were the form of prayer that I needed. Flexibility has helped me in this transitional time, too, as I’ve tried new ways of approaching daily situations.

Another insight that I got from observing Advent this year came from doing it with my religious community. I wasn’t preparing for Christmas alone; I wasn’t solely responsible for my readiness for Jesus’ Second Coming. I was waiting with my sisters, praying with them. Soon I’ll be celebrating with them! It’s another lesson for my personal discernment, because I’m not doing that alone, either. I’m on this journey with my sisters and with the Church.

My personal discernment brought a new dimension to Advent this year. Waiting is more real, as is welcoming what I’ve anticipated. It made the spirit of Advent intimate, mine in a particular way. And I’m sure there will be a lot to celebrate this Christmas!