The Unexpected

I've spent most of the last month in quarantine and seclusion. I had plans: a retreat, then I intended to spend most of July in the Chicago/Wisconsin area. There were two community events to attend there, a discernment weekend about the future of our community and a gathering for young final professed Felician sisters. Then I was going to a younger sisters gathering at a retreat center in northern Wisconsin. I was looking forward to my summer travels, but those plans changed when I got shingles.

I was one day into my retreat during the last week of June when I broke out in welts and they started to hurt with a sharp pain. It felt like I was being stabbed with needles. Thankfully, I was on retreat where I live, and one of the sisters took me to the local Urgent Care. There, I was diagnosed with shingles and prescribed medication for the condition and pain management. I spent the rest of what would have been my retreat convalescing. That stretched into a second and then a third week, as my sensitive nerves couldn't tolerate the least stimuli and I spent most of my time alone in my room.

I'm writing this at the end of the third week. The shingles have passed and I'm preparing to travel. I was able to salvage a part of my trip. The younger sisters week could have been a retreat, but it's being held in rural Wisconsin and included hiking, kayaking, and much outdoor beauty. I do feel better, but am not yet hearty enough to enjoy such an experience. Instead, I'm going to our convent in Chicago for a quieter retreat. I'm looking forward to finally having my yearly retreat, and am glad that I'm well enough to travel. I've definitely had cabin fever here!

During the last three weeks, I've been asked by people in their varying ways why I would have gotten shingles. Many of them were looking for a medical explanation, but some sought insight into how God's will was at work-- or they were encouraging me to. I couldn't answer either question, but I'm having more luck with the second one. I'm able to see how this time has been blessed.

The Support and Love of Others: The people in my life could not have been more helpful or caring during this time. They took care of my physical and spiritual needs, as well as giving generous emotional support. Between my family, sisters in community, friends, and the nursing staff here at the central convent, I was surrounded by the goodness of others!

Empathy for the Infirm and Elderly: I live with mostly elderly and sickly people, and at times am blinded by the frustration that comes from being a young person living in a convent that is a lot like a nursing home. This time of personal infirmity has helped me to grow in empathy for what the chronically ill live with all the time. I have a greater understanding now of what it must be like for many of the sisters and friars that I live with.

Convenient Timing and Location: More than once, I reflected in my journal about how the timing for my illness made it much easier to deal with than it could have been. As I mentioned before, I didn't go away for retreat, and it's always preferable to be sick at home. I actually was staying in the guest house of our neighbors, which had comfortable accommodations and privacy while I went through the worst of my symptoms. Also, I had been travelling right before I got sick, and am grateful that I didn't come down with shingles then! Too, since it's summer, most of my obligations are either flexible or on hold, so I have the extra time and space to get better.

Knowledge of Myself: The last three weeks were solitary ones, and a good opportunity to learn something about me. I did a lot of journaling and praying. The most telling part of the experience, though, was that to a certain degree, I didn't mind the time spent alone. Eventually (and at times) it was too much for comfort, but it's also true that I often found it relaxing to have time to truly be alone. I can't remember the last time that I was able to. There were definitely times that I enjoyed it!

We Plan, God Laughs: This time was a strong reminder that no matter how many plans I make or how detailed they are, I'm not in control. In fact, the best thing that I did during the past three weeks was to put my situation into God's hands. There was a time when I wasn't sure that I'd be well enough to travel at the end of July, but by giving the reins to God, I felt peaceful about the outcome. That helped me to know that I had to change where my retreat was.

So was all this God's will? I'm still praying about it. I do know that being open to how He was at work during my illness has shown me that the time had as many blessings as trials!