My 2019 New Year's Resolution

As far back as I can recall, I've been making New Year's resolutions. I would make them after some serious reflection on the past year. I would take stock of the major events of the ending year: its ups and downs, how I grew from them, and what the blessings of year were. This usually involved a lot of journaling as I listed and reflected upon these. Then I would make my resolution based on what I  did and didn't want to carry over into the upcoming year. I made New Year's Eve prayerful; I attended the Vigil Mass for the January 1st feast day and stayed in for the rest of the night. I usually prayed and read, wanting to bring in the new year reflectively.

When I entered the Felician community, I was thrilled to find out that they made December 31st a retreat day.  In the evening, the convents often did Holy Hours; some sisters prayed in the new year by doing an addition hour of prayer from 11 pm to midnight. It really fit with what I was already doing and affirmed my vocation; I felt at home with this practice! I continue to take the December 31st retreat day seriously. I use it to pray out the old year and to pray in the new one.

The way I've done it has changed over the past 10 years, though. I don't always journal with the ideas; I also use art as a way to explore my memories of the past year and my hopes for the new. Sometimes I scrapbook, make collages, or create mandalas. Lately I've been painting as a form of prayer, so that's what I did today. A more significant change is that I don't make resolutions anymore. Instead, I choose something that will inspire me to go in a positive direction with the Lord. This can be a verse or image from the Bible or a more spiritual aspiration. The difference is that what I set before myself can't be evaluated, and thus can't turn into a pass/fail situation. Even if I stray for it, it can continue to inspire me and bring me back on the right track.

Today when I sat down with my art supplies to reflect on this past year, I was struck by the important role that spiritual reflection has played. Using art as prayer has been a big part of this. So has journaling and participation in faith sharing groups. Daily prayer practices such as the examination of consciousness and spiritual reading contributed, too. Even when I had shingles, looking at it from a deeper perspective helped me to acknowledge blessings of self-discovery and growth.

Looking back, I could see how living an "examined life" in 2018 has helped me to live in God's presence. I decided to keep the momentum going in 2018; then I took it a step further and thought of how I would live a reflective life. I'll use my paintings to explain more:

As I painted this, I thought about how as you go deeper into the ocean, there are actually layers of water, with varying degrees of exposure to sunshine. The deeper one travels, the darker it is. I used lighter blues on top and darker on the bottom for this reason. The purpose is to go deeper. Distractions come and go (hence the boats), but reflection means focusing on the presence of God. (By the way, this is a metaphor for Centering Prayer that Thomas Keating wrote about. I can't take credit for it.)

With the idea of going deeper firmly in mind, I pondered how (God and) I can do that. I expressed that in this painting:

The center of a mandala acts as the core; it's essentially the main idea of the piece. I have that warm golden yellow at the center because it's my God color. Living reflectively is about living in the presence of God. The different ways of living more reflectively are related; this is symbolized by the blue circles. They're reminiscent of when one skips a stone and there's a ripple effect.

Ways of living a more reflective life: 
Staying in the present moment: This is the pink section with the roses. It is literally a reminder to stop and smell the roses. (I'm not usually so on-the-nose but I'm absurdly proud of the fact that I can draw a decent rose.)
Paying attention to the details: This is the bright green ring with all the colorful dots and dashes. God is often in the details.
Being quiet and still: The brown sections. This doesn't have to mean sitting in a quiet room alone doing nothing. It's bigger than that. It includes things like not putting on music all the time while I work in my office.
Gratitude: The yellow and orange sun-rays. A positive, thankful attitude will often show where God is present.
Gravity: The purple. God is in the serious moments and the difficult situations, too. Being present to those isn't easy, but that's important, too.

After I paint these, I keep them. Sometimes I hang them up in my room. The ones that I choose to hang are those that either capture a feeling/thought/prayer well or one that represents a crucial moment or perspective. It helps if they're attractive to look at, but that's not the primary purpose of hanging them up. When I see them up on the wall, a painting may call me to prayer or reflection. The mandala about how I want to live a reflective life in 2019 (with the various circles) will be hung up soon. This way, I can be reminded of and inspired to live in God's presence through deeper reflection in 2019!