Blessed Virgin Mary

Catholic devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary is one of four elements of the Franciscanism of Blessed Mary Angela Truszkowska, the foundress of the Felician Sisters, which the Felician community bases its spirituality on. When each Felician professes first vows, she receives a name that includes the name Mary, or some version of it, in it. Even when she chooses to keep her baptismal name, the name Mary (or Marie, etc.) is added to it. Many aspects of Mary's life and faith are sources of inspiration to the community. Jesus' mother Mary is one of the aspects of Catholicism that has become a dividing point with other Christian churches. Marian spirituality, in fact, is one of the most misunderstood parts of the Catholic faith. For years, I had my own wrong ideas about who Mary is and how she fits into my identity as a Catholic.

I was raised lapsed Catholic. For years, I knew very little about the Catholic Church or what Catholic teaching was. What I did know I saw through a lens of anger and skepticism. Growing up, my mom was vocal about her issues with the Church, and I soon developed my own points of contention. As a college freshman, I had a conversion experience, and decided that lapsed Catholicism wasn't enough. For the first time, I read what Church documents and the Catechism had to say about the issues that I disagreed with. Half of the time I found that I had assigned opinions to the Church that weren't Hers. I also discovered that when I read what the Church actually said, it was inspiring and struck a chord of truth within me. One by one, the issues that stood between me and the Catholic Church were falling down.

Soon there was only one left: Mary. Why Mary? I mean, I had made my peace with the male priesthood, accepted teaching about sexual morality, and decided that I could agree with other controversial Church stances. Mary was a sticking point for me because I thought I knew about her, and I didn't like any of it. Here's what I thought: that the Church held Mary up as an example because she was submissive and docile and did what she was told to do. That it was especially important that she be this way because she was a woman. And I didn't understand the big deal about her being a virgin. So what? But bottom line: I wanted a faith that I could be on board with, and I had decided that I liked being Catholic. I was done living a lapsed faith, so I embraced the Church, Mary and all. She was part of the package and I was okay with that. Not thrilled, but okay.

As I tried to live as a Catholic Christian, I learned a lot. God's graces were definitely there! I realized that it was much easier to be opinionated and sarcastic than it was to be gentle and kind. As I tried to walk in faith, I found out how hard it can be to know and do God's will wholeheartedly. I saw the strength in Mary's gentle faith for the first time. I understood more about the Incarnation and the role that Mary's virginity played in that. I developed an affinity for some particular devotions to Mary. I liked the idea of her as the Seat of Wisdom because I had been praying with the idea of seeking wisdom instead of knowledge. I liked the Visitation, with Mary and Elizabeth supporting and understanding each other, as community is called to. And I was drawn to Mary contemplating in her heart the mystery of Jesus' life and purpose.

An interesting breakthrough happened when it was almost time for me to make my first vows with the Felician Sisters. I felt called to receive a new name as part of my commitment and consecration. I would think of names that I could ask for, just to scrap them. Then I stopped thinking about it and it came to me: Grace. I liked it! After God's grace, the life-giving gift that He pours out on us. It was only later that I realized that it was a Marian name, after the devotion to Our Lady of Grace. I chose one of the Mary feast days for my feast day. The one I asked for was Our Lady, Mediatrix of Graces. I loved the idea of Mary as a conduit of God's graces.

Now, I have a steadier devotion to Mary. I've been doing centering prayer for the last year and find that the idea of Mary contemplating within her heart resonates with me. She was Jesus' first disciple, always faithful to Him. I also like to meditate on her hidden life. We know so little about her, and much of her life was spent in simple, normal days. My own daily efforts to be faithful can be like hers.

It's been a journey with Mary to her Son, and I know it's not over yet.