As a young member of the Felician community, I follow a program for my spiritual growth. I have ever since I entered, though the structure has become increasingly less formal as I made commitments to the community. Now that I'm a perpetually vowed member (final vows), there's less required of me: a monthly reflection, some group time together with other younger members, and communication with the directors of our group.
At the beginning of each year, we set goals for ourselves, which we evaluate later in the year. That's my next assignment, so I've been rereading my journal from my retreat and reflecting on what my goals will be. Even before becoming a sister, I've valued purposeful living. I've been making resolutions and setting personal goals for years.
Some "take-aways" from the quiet and solitude of prayer were:
1. To remember to be gentle with myself. I emerge from most retreats "gentled" back to life by God,, realizing again that I need to be more gentle with myself.
2. To draw deeply and meaningfully from the Catholic prayers and rituals from my community through praying them more thoughtfully. I tend to seek out fresh or exotic sources when I have a spiritual need, almost to disregard the power of what I already do. But I have everything I need to connect with the Lord and grow spiritually: daily Mass, the prayer of the Church (Liturgy of the Hours), spiritual reading... I just need to avoid becoming overly familiar or perfunctory about how I engage in them.
3. Seek out and embrace what is life-giving for me. Being more pro-active with my choices in this way will raise my quality of life, both where I live and outside.
4. Recommit to being silent and still, both inside myself and externally. Listen to how God speaks in that silence.
5. Embrace my local community by getting to know them better and appreciating them on a deeper level.
I know that my reflections from retreat will at least color the goals that I set. There's also a facet of my life that will, too. I was travelling for much of the summer, experiencing both professional and broader Church events. This included time with my community as a province, the international Catholic intellectual community, and another international group: sisters under the age of 50. I spent time with sisters in other regions of our province, other religious communities, and in different parishes with various priests. I expected to be rejuvenated by all this, to resume my life here with more energy and spark. When I did emerge, I reentered my routine here energized... but changed, in a vague, ambiguous way. I've returned to the same, but I'm not the same. I had figured I'd get back into the rhythm here, and in some ways I have and still may, but I also need to do some things differently. I need to be open to what that means for me in my daily living.
There's one more consideration in setting goals for myself. You see, I don't start fresh each time; I have habitual concerns and desires for my growth. I go back to what I value: being in relationship, being balanced, and being better at my ministries. I want to get a good sense of how I'm currently doing in these areas before I reflexively make them my goals again.
Then, of course, I want to move in a direction that God wills. This reduces the complexity; God's guidance is more instinctual and direct than me thinking through everything. It also has its own complexity, as discerning God's will isn't the easiest thing to do. So I take all this to prayer: my needs, intentions, desires, and hopes. And then I try to still myself, and hear God's response. Mostly I've found that involves waiting and being open to any message from any instrument. It could come from something I read, or a conversation I'm having. The trick is to recognize it when I hear it.
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